Classic Picture Books Streamlined For The Busy Parents

By Amy Colleen

Parents who hustle, lend me your ears — for just a moment! Are you tired of reading aloud books that ramble on and on and on and on and on and — sorry. Do you ever wish your reading experience with your beloved child got to the point a little quicker? With these time-saving, common-sense edits to some library favorites, your reading experience will be a lot faster and far less frustrating, leaving you more time for whatever is more important than reading aloud to your child.

How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World

Making an apple pie is really very easy. First, buy all the ingredients at the market. Mix them well, bake, and serve.

Unless, of course, the market happens to be closed.

In that case, find another dang market in the next town. This is America. There’s a Walmart on every corner. Make your pie, see a tiny slice of life outside your own town’s bubble, and eat the pie. The End.

Harold and the Purple Crayon

One evening, after thinking it over for some time, Harold decided to go for a walk in the moonlight.

There wasn’t any moon, so Harold began to draw one, but then his mother came in. “Go back to bed immediately, Harold,” she said. “You’re four years old and wearing seat-buttoning footie pajamas — you can’t go out at night by yourself, for heaven’s sake. Here is a pad of paper. You can draw in bed until you fall asleep.”

So Harold went to bed with an age-appropriate activity and soon dropped off to sleep. The End.

King Bidgood’s in the Bathtub

“Help, help!” cried the Page when the sun came up. “King Bidgood’s in the bathtub and he won’t get out! Oh, who knows what to do?”

“I do!” cried the Queen when the sun came up. “I’m perfectly competent to rule this kingdom! Let him turn into a prune if he wants to. Where are my ministers?”

And the Queen called the shots from there on out and the kingdom lived in peace.

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